An Apple, A Bird

Author's note: The following originally appeared in my old "Grammar Grouch" newsletter, dated 1/24/05. Sadly, this is still a major problem. I noticed it twice in the local paper yesterday. --skm

I am noticing an alarming number of "n's" being dropped from the article "an." I hope I don't have to tell you that,

if a word begins with a vowel (a, e, i, o, or u and sometimes h),

the article before it must be "an."

For example, John said, "I got a e-mail about a hour ago." No, this is just wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Sigh.
My request for the New Year is that you help me to fix this strange and irritating problem.

Please, no more "a hour", "a email", "a ex-employee", "a idiot"! Enough already!

Many thanks and I remain

Your Grammar Grouch,

Susan K. Morrow
http://www.susankmorrow.com/

Apostrophes Revisted

I subscribe to A Word A Day, a daily email providing interesting words and their etymology. Well, being a Grammar Grouch myself, I certainly notice the best responses to the AWAD editions, which are published on Sundays. I found this one regarding apostrophes particularly helpful:

From: Jim Halverson (jhalv aol.com)
Subject: dog's age

Your use of the possessive "dog's" reminded me of an example I used in my workbook Spelling Works to illustrate the difficulty of spelling possessives in English. If this sentence is written with no apostrophes or commas, as if it were being imparted orally rather than in writing, then it becomes impossibly ambiguous: "We lost the dogs leashes and bones." Hmm, just what was lost? Dogs, leashes, and bones? One dog's leashes and bones? Two or more dogs' leashes and bones?

English unfortunately evolved with the same affix, -s, used for possessives (from Old English and Old Norse) and most plurals (mainly from the French influence). To differentiate between the two, the apostrophe was then added. But the correct placement of that little mark is not easy, especially for children, because we have to stop and ask ourselves, "Is that noun a plural, a singular possessive, or a plural possessive?" And then we have to remind ourselves that the apostrophe indicates possession only for nouns, not for possessive pronouns like hers. How often have students written -- have I written! -- something like "The dog lost it's bones."

You've never had that problem? Quick, correct any mistakes in this sentence in two seconds: Billy said, "Its so funny when the dogs tails wagging."

Until next time, my friends, happy grammaring!

Susan K. Morrow
512-257-2737
www.SusanKMorrow.com

Quick Quote

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

-Calvin Trillin, writer (b. 1935)

All the T's!

Why, oh, why must every seemingly intelligent and well-read person mispronounce "accreditation"?

It seems simple enough to me. There is a "t" in there, following the "di" and yet I always hear a "d" instead.

The provost announced, "The accrediDation board will visit campus tomorrow."

Why?

It baffles me. Do you say, "I'm going to put this purchase on my crediD card"? Well, that would just be ridiculous, wouldn't it?

I now add this ridiculous offense to my bag of baddies. Please help spread the word that it is pronounced "accredi-T-ation". It suits you to a "t".

Until next time, Happy Grammaring!

Susan K. Morrow
Grammar Grouch

Apostrophe Catastrophe

I've had it! Apostrophe abuse is so rampant and deleterious that I have decided upon a revolutionary solution:

Do away with the poor, pitiful punctuation mark altogether!

That's right! Dare I say it: the apostrophe has suffered long enough! Let us retire it to the Punctuation Hall of Fame with a lavish ceremony, tears, and speeches!

Seriously, wouldn't that make your life easier? Not having to worry about whether the apostrophe goes before or after the "s", no worries about apostrophes making words plural (They never do!), no more apostrophe catastrophes.

I've simply had it up to here with my own annoyance at improperly placed, used, or abused apostrophes. This solution will satisfy me, the grouchiest Grammar Grouch in these parts, so surely it will satisfy the typical user of English.

Everybody on board? Great! Let's do it! I mean, lets do it!

Until next time, happy grammaring!

Susan K. Morrow

Me, Myself, and I

(First published via e-mail on January 10, 2006)

I hope you had a wonderful holiday and some time off to rest and reflect--and to improve your grammar skills! No? Oh, well, let me help you with that.

This month, I am talking about "myself." I mean, the word, not actually myself. This is one of my pet peeves: using "myself" as a subject. Let me give you an example:

"My husband and myself are planning a weekend at the coast."

Would you say, "Myself is planning a weekend...."? Of course not! Then, why, oh, why would anyone say, "My husband and myself are...."? It just drives me batty!

Please help me spread the word to all the good people of the English-speaking world and beyond. "Myself" is an object! Here are two examples of correct usage:

"Please allow me to introduce myself." --Mick Jagger, "Sympathy for the Devil"

"For Christmas, I gave myself a beautiful purse." --Susan K. Morrow, Purse Recipient

I know you share my distress and will help me educate everyone else. Whew! I feel much better!

Have a great January and a fantastic year! --Susan K.

(c) 2008, Susan K. Morrow

Credit Where Credit Is Due

I recently posted a rant about "...you've got another think coming" (correct usage), after I saw "...you've got another thing coming", with regard to Judas Priest, in the local newspaper.

Before posting, I had sent a scathing e-mail to the responsible reporter--who responded! I have to say that I appreciate her response, even if she had not been as nice as she was. I suppose I put journalists on at least a short pedestal, so I was pleased to receive an answer. And I admit that, as a grouchy Grammar Grouch, I really had not been very pleasant, so her non-reactive attitude was even more appreciated.

Said reporter rightly blamed the band Judas Priest, whose song is actually titled, "You've Got Another Thing Coming." She even provided this link as proof: http://judaspriest.com/disc/default.asp

I let her know she was off the hook--but the band is in big trouble!

Until next time, my friends, happy grammaring!

(c) 2007 Susan K. Morrow